Getting for and receiving gifts from people at work: Advice to managers on what--and what not--to do.

It's that time of the year when gift giving is much in evidence--especially at the office.  I have a few tips about how that should--and ought not--be done.  I offer my advice and gift-giving philosophy simply and directly--what I've learned over the years and what I do.  

[1] Show your generosity--if you are genuinely inclined--by giving group gifts, not personal ones.  My advice here is in the opposite direction of the zeitgeist of the times, which stresses being personal.  You run the risk of inadvertently letting others "read in to"--likely falsely--your loyalties, preferences, and affections for other people when any number of people in the workplace get different gifts from you.  [The last thing you want to do is to turn a positive event into one that fosters resentment or suspicion--most people are very poor sidewalk psychologists.]  Here we're talking about taking the crew out to lunch, morning pastries for the office, stuff like that.

[2] Buy for direct-reports, not indirects.  The end-of-the-year season is a perfect time to show in a small way that you are mindful of those who work directly with you and that you care about them as individuals.  When you make your gift decisions, strive to spend roughly the same amount of money on each and personalize them at your own peril.  When you tailor a gift because you know one person better than another, you allow that person to think that they are special in the scheme of things--and others to think that you have unexplained preferences.  

[3] Make a big deal of support staff who make your life easier and who you would be less successful without.  I make it a point to show my genuine appreciation at the Christmas season for secretaries, assistants, and others who work to help the organization--and me--succeed.  I strive to avoid making my gifts overly personal [see Number 1], but I do try to show that I'm mindful of their contributions to the my work-a-day world.  I like to give cash gifts, but usually piggy-backing on something tangible, like wine, candy, food, etc.

[4] Never spend time or money on getting what you consider a meaningful gift for an organizational superior.  Good bosses and those even higher on the organizational ladder don't want to receive a gift from subordinates--it puts everyone in an awkward position; it raises the the question of why is this being given and what's expected in return?  Is it a favor?  Access? Appreciation for what--what more than just doing what they're paid to do in the first place?  Giving to superiors in an organization raises all kinds of issues best left alone by not buying and giving things at Christmas.

[5] Write a heartfelt note to your boss--or anyone else--instead of buying him or her something.  Good managers vastly prefer to receive a handwritten message from those they oversee than getting even a token present.  When I receive such a "present" I am touched by the time and thought that went into that expression of friendship and affection than some dopey box of cookies from Mrs. Fields.  It clarifies and deepens the work relationship between boss and subordinate and doesn't make it superficial like a potentially obligatory present might.

[6] Never get a gift for someone just because they gave one to you.  When you do that you trivialize--and don't think that there isn't a sufficient amount of psychoanalysis going on in the office and in the head of the recipient--the point of the first gift and make what's supposed to be a genuine display of friendship and affection into a quid-pro-quo.  That stinks!  

[7] Alway say "thank-you" immediately and make it a point to express your genuine appreciation for the generosity and thoughtfulness behind the gift you've just received.  From time to time I get gifts from people that are completely unexpected.  And, frankly, I'm sometimes not certain why I was selected for this event--yet I am touched by the demonstration of interest.  Never the less, it is incumbent on me as the recipient to recognize the thoughtfulness and generosity of time, money, attention, and interest just as soon and meaningfully as I am able.  [And, in case you haven't gotten it yet, I'm talking about an expression of appreciation in words, not stuff here.] 

The point behind each of these rules is to inject meaningfulness into a season and opportunity for personal connection that has become--sadly in many instances--perfunctory and superficial.  
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